Car Parking Machine

I would like to advise AOL readers that this article is meant to be light hearted and in no way do I condone damaging our sparkly new parking meter! Regards Steph

The Slow Creep of the Parking Machine: A Tale of Pennies and Pounds.

Ah, the good ol' days, when parking was as free as the air we breathed. Back then, the biggest crisis in the village was someone bagging the last custard tart at the Coop. Now? We're living in a parking-meter-powered thriller, where every beep of the machine is a reminder that you've been out manoeuvred by a glorified toaster.

The Doctor Will See You Now (But Don't Forget Your Coins)

Imagine this, you've triumphed over the GP appointment hotline and snagged a slot for your back twinge (which is now a full-blown spasm from tensely gripping the phone). Hooray! But hold your celebration--have you calculated the exact parking fee ? Because who knows how long you'll wait to be called in, and your doctor could spend three of those precious minutes asking you how you are!

And let's not forget further maths anxiety, 'Will my appointment overrun?' Probably. 'Should I add an extra 15 minutes?' Definitely. By the time you're done, your twinge is healed, but you will have developed a new chronic condition called a financial despair headache.

ADCA Lunches: A Full Plate of Parking Woes

ADCA lunches used to be the perfect recipe for friendship and comfort food. Now they come with a side of mashed potatoes and a hefty dollop of existential dread. Should you pay for 90 minutes? Two hours? Three, just in case Doris decides to recount the entire history of her garden gnome collection?

Picture it: the elderly no longer debating dessert choices but locked in fierce negotiations over the finer points of machine compliance. 'If I leave my stick on the seat but run to the car for my hearing aid, does that count as a 'pause' or a 'restart'?' Suddenly, the lunchroom feels less like a cosy gathering spot and more like the setting of a dystopian sci-fi movie where the true enemy is... the parking meter.

Community lunches weren't meant to be a front line in the war on tyranny. They were supposed to be about casseroles, not Kafka! Yet here we are, battling bureaucracy one bite at a time. Would you like some gravy with your rebellion?

Footballers and Tennis Players: Parking Penalties vs. Match Penalties

Forget local rivalries. These days, the away teams will show up already furious--not because of tactics, but because they've used their post match beer money to feed the machine, thereby donating to Cheshire East's retirement fund. Nothing says 'sportsmanship' like screaming at your goalie because they forgot their loose change and you've had to sub them!

And tennis? That's now a sport of multitasking--serving aces while calculating whether the match will go into a tie-break and send you into Parking Purgatory. The only cardio being done is a desperate sprint to feed the meter mid-match.

Gym Members: Sweating the Fees

Remember when the gym was a place to work on yourself? Now it's a place to work on your time management skills. Getting muscles isn't about weights anymore--it's about mentally bench-pressing the parking charges before your session ends.

'Will I risk skipping the cooldown to save 50p?' you ponder, mid-Zumba class. Congrats, the village has invented the first-ever financial workout.

A Brighter (or Slightly Cheaper) Future

But take heart, villagers--this isn't over. Imagine a parking rebellion. Picture it, the community, armed with thermos flasks and sheer British stubbornness, hosting a Village Chippy chip-powered sit-in. We'll clog the machine's coin slot with spare slurry and pothole debris. We'll download the app, crash it, and leave one-star reviews. That'll show Cheshire East that we're not to be messed with.....

And when the council comes calling, we'll remind them that our ancestors didn't fight for freedom so we could be shackled by an hourly charge for popping into the butcher's.

Until then, keep your pockets jangling, your apps glitching, and your parking tickets as bitter souvenirs of this metallic reign of terror.

Editor's comment :- Charges start today Monday 2nd December