Snail ten times faster than mail

Serious Royal Mail problems are still being reported locally. Indeed, some delays are so ridiculous that we decided to have a little fun at Audlem Online.

One Christmas card was sent on 13th December from Paddock Lane, Audlem. It arrived at an address on Whitchurch Road, Audlem on 24th January – just 42 days to travel about one mile in a straight line!

The wonder that is Google tells us that a snail travels at 0.03 miles an hour. We reckon it would take a snail, therefore, just over 33 hours to travel that mile from Paddock Lane to Whitchurch Road. Clearly, we have ignored the facts that snails hibernate and therefore don't do Christmas and would, in any case be slowed down if they were carrying a Christmas card!

In the 42 days it took the card to progress across Audlem, our friend the snail could have travelled that distance ten times, or there and back five times.*

Unfortunately, other mail delays are more serious. One local business has sent us a copy of the letter of complaint to Royal Mail about cheques being lost and other major issues. Even now, another letter from the Western Cheshire Primary Care Trust posted last week, first class, has yet to arrive.

Despite all this chaos, the end result is local taxpayers having to reward Royal Mail for the closure of the Sorting Office by buying it for £2.75million – see our report raising some serious questions about Cheshire East's purchase of the building on 29th January (although still no official answers to our questions).

Perhaps, as an act of penance and apology, Royal Mail should now give us the building free. It may not help the many businesses and individuals being seriously let down by the continuing postal issues, but it sure would make us feel a bit better.

*Audlem Online's Human Resources director, who asked to check our arithmetic, says: "The 33 hours is right, so in 42 days (roughly 1,000 hours) it would do the one mile about 30 times.

In that time the snail would do 182 times 0.03 which is 5.46 miles. So the snail, even obeying all EU Working Time directives, would still be more than five times quicker.

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