Audlem real-estate Service Enterprises

Audlem has had a number of shops over the years, but as far as I know, it has never had an estate agent. So in the spring of 1985, when my father, Geoff, needed to sell his house in Kinsey Heath, an amateur effort was called for.

Anyone who knows him would be happy to associate the phrase "Never knowingly overpaid, never knowingly undersold". So this house must be presented to potential buyers to show it in the very best possible light.

Window frames properly painted, pathways brushed, lawns clipped to perfection, posh cars borrowed and parked in the drive. All ready for the photographer – well, actually, just me, him and an Olympus Trip.

PilotThen as now, he is one of Audlem`s pilots and I had also recently passed my test by the mid eighties. So to complete a first class sales pitch, and in order to demonstrate the rural location, the last batch of photographs were to be taken from the air!

This led us to a dilemma. In the eyes of the boss, I was the apprentice, and you can't trust the apprentice to take good photos. As the boss, you would expect him to fly the plane, but you can't do both! So, and it must have been with great misgivings, I was delegated as the day's pilot.

Looking back on it, I can see his reasoning. After all, during World War One, the Captain of the aircraft was the officer in the back. The airman in the front was only the driver. But this was 1985, Tom Cruse was Top Gun, and I was only 19. This was a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate my skills! I would be Maverick, which would make him Goose!

This working relationship was not unique in the village as I knew of a local plumber where the senior partner was referred to by the younger as the Ayatollah.

Now to take a picture from an aircraft sounds easy, just fly past something and SNAP! But there is a bit more to it when you remember that you are going past it at almost 100mph, which will lead to a wobbly photo.

TechniquesOne technique is to "fly around the rim of the bowl" point down to the centre and snap away. The problem is that every house has a good side and a bad side, and you go past the optimum angle in less than a second at 100mph. So you end up getting dizzy and annoying the neighbours whilst always being too early or too late to snap. You must also remember that this is to be done without the benefit of a digital camera with a super fast shutter and a big memory chip; it was a 36exp Olympus Trip.

There is another technique though. It is called a sideslip. It involves slowing the plane down (not much faster than falling out of the sky kind of slow!) and lowering one wing towards your "target" whilst adding a boot full of opposite rudder. It is the flying equivalent of motorcycle speedway cornering. You will then track down a diagonal line towards your "target", from height with engine at tick over.

The PlanSo just to summarise my plan: -

Start at 3000 feet.
Choose the pretty side of the house.
Shut the power off. (Best not disturb the neighbours)
Drop a wing on the photographer's side. (Low wing plane, so it would be in the way)
Descend in a cross controlled manner whilst the subject matter slowly (well a bit slower than the first technique) fills the frame of the Olympus Trip.

If you were to ask any 19-year-old lad with a motorbike if he is any good on it, he isn't going to TELL you how good he is, he's going to SHOW you how good he is. Then probably show you how good he isn't. Flying is a bit like that.

After the usual thorough pre-flight check of the aircraft, weather and Red Arrows display dates and venues. Yes really. After 25 years of flying people still smirk at that one, but think about it for a moment. These guys transit between displays at between 500 and 2000 feet. Stood on the ground watching a bright red Hawk flash past is a thrill for any taxpayer.

Get in the air and try it! I can think of nothing worse than seeing a bright red Hawk go over the nose and wondering if that is the one at the back, and if so, you just got away with it. Or was it the leader of the formation, and if so, this is going to spoil your day! We take off and establish ourselves over Audlem and begin our altitude safety checks and a good lookout.

The captain?In mitigation regarding the rest of this story, I wish to point out that there really was some doubt as to who was the captain of this flight. By rights the captain is the chap in the left hand seat using the controls. That would be me. BUT we were in his plane, using his fuel to fly over his house to take photos with his Olympus Trip.

Having cleared the area around Kinsey Heath I begin the decent. With my Ayatollah peering through the lense I point the navigation light on the right wing through the letterbox of The Lilacs, shut the power off and boot in the rudder. We were now confidently established in a sideways plummet.

Pull Up!We pass through 2500 feet and I hold it. We soon pass through 2000 feet, and I hold it, 1500 holding, 1000 holding, 750...At this point he makes comment. It begins in a barely controlled voice, rising to a shout. "If it could be that you are waiting for me to say pull up – BLOODY WELL PULL UP!"

If I may again use a phrase from the plumber Father/Son team in the village. When the Son was asked what his Ayatollah said when he inadvertently hit his Father's hand with a lump hammer? He said, "Well if you disregard one particular word, he barely mentioned it".

Looking back on this I am astonished that I am still welcome to fly his plane, and horrified at the prospect of ever allowing one of my sons the same opportunity. The following month, when he calmed down, I was treated to two sage pieces of advice:
1. Gather your experience in small pieces, not all in one afternoon.
2. There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots – but no old bold pilots!

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