When the cat is away

Some years ago I watched with great amusement a small drama acted out before my eyes. May and Albert are an old couple in their seventies who have been together a long time and have been able to manage their idiosyncrasies quite comfortably.

Albert had become rather fond of the bottle to the extent that this compulsion had now to be managed by May who is the stronger character. May, did this by pouring out each evening a measure of spirits for Albert to imbibe.

This arrangement went along quite smoothly and kept the matter under strict control. Just one, then she locked it away.
However, it came to pass that May was summoned to hospital to undergo a procedure which was going to take some days.

The conveyance arrived to take May to the hospital and in due course drove away with her on board. It was barely out of sight when Albert was seen reversing his car out of the garage. He then drove away only to re-appear after about twenty minutes with a bottle of Whiskey hidden not very expertly under his jacket.

Albert did not re-appear for a couple of days. But no doubt he enjoyed it.

Anne, my wife, this week took a holiday with one of our daughters, and while I would not suggest that Anne is a cat or even of a like nature to a cat. Well fellows, I am sure you get my meaning.

Anne keeps us expertly fed and wonderfully clean and is exemplary in every way. She left me with the dog and a list of instructions which would cover all eventualities. The fridge was full and bills all paid.

I also discovered a canned steak and kidney pie ready to bake. I last had one of these when our first daughter was born but I hadn't read the instruction and without removing the can top I had boiled it. It was revolting.

Now, I would not describe myself as deceitful but you do have to take an opportunity when it presents itself.

She had not been gone long when I headed off to the supermarket to buy some of the foods which she does not normally serve; she feels an obligation to limit our intake of sugar and salt and certain kinds of fish. So I returned laden with Smoked Haddock, mussels in white wine sauce etc. What a feast!

The sleeping arrangements were odd. Have you tried sleeping in half a double bed and keeping to your own side?
Johnny Beeston used to say that in such circumstances one might place a notice on the gate saying: "Half a double bed to rent." You never know what it might bring.

The bed had been left immaculately made with blue covers and double pillows and the sheet turned bravely down.
But I am no good at making beds so for the rest of the week I have just pulled it back together and piled in. The dog did not object when we spent a companionable hour each morning sitting up to read the daily paper. But she does snore.

The washing up is a chore. I say this with little experience as I have no idea how to use or even switch on these new fangled washing up machines. However, it is piling up in the sink and I shall have to do something about it soon.
I think I might have buggered the non-stick frying pan as my sausage and bacon at lunch time to-day did stick a bit. Better put it at the back of the pan store and hope it doesn't get noticed for a while.

All in all it has been a fairly productive and successful week and a modest amount achieved. I have taken all my pills. I remembered to put the bins out.

I have had new tyres fitted to her car, I have cleaned and serviced the boiler though I must chuck away surreptitiously the shirt and trousers I was wearing they are covered in grime and soot.

I have remembered to change my pants and socks.....well mostly.

I have managed to clean the gutters and trimmed the Wisteria two jobs that I have been banned from doing . As some of you may know I have been banned from climbing ladders. Don't tell her will you.

Dam! I have just realised I have forgotten to heat the oven for my Beef Casserole.

I shall be pleased to see her back.

Cheers
Geoff.

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