Turnpike Field Ideas

At last – some real ideas for Turnpike Field with real benefits for the village.
Perhaps Steph's scheme could lead to Audlem becoming the centre for the new Olympic Sport of Zip-Wiring (or child-dunking as it is known locally.... now read on.....).

In my opinion, my closest friends are akin to the crispy bacon bits in the salad bowl of my life, and although I know that money can't buy friends, it does give me a better class of enemy. Lets face it, we've all met people for the first time who've given us a sudden urge to buy them a toaster for their bath!

So, whilst chatting to these friends over a bottle of wine – each – we decided that the Turnpike Field Group had suffered enough Chatbox advice and needed people to think outside the box, (us), who could come up with money raising ideas.

As residents of Kingbur Place, who unwittingly own the second best parking spaces in Audlem, we also have our own agenda. Finally, we hit upon a solution – an extreme sport, namely children's zip wiring could be the answer! This was something that had never before been tried in Audlem, unless you count the St James bellringers still dangling in space from their ropes, or our football team who selflessly face excessive force and brutality every Sunday, according to Ralph's write ups.

Being somewhat of an expert in this field, I gained my over 70's certificate for zip wiring in Cuba, I was 50 at the time, all the Turnpike Group would need were trees, wooden platforms and minimal safety gear. After the parent signing a Declaration of Non-Responsibility, charges of £10 a go would seem reasonable, however if a longer ride was required, a lower wire could be constructed which would allow the child to unwittingly get stuck in the middle and end up dangling in mid air.

A firing range could be positioned in front of this wire which would allow paintball firing for an extra charge to the public. The unfortunate children could then be helped down by our fire brigade, once again for a fee, and stripped of their paint stained outer clothing which could be collected by Audlem Dry Cleaners. Meanwhile the exhausted children could temporarily use our Air B&B's to rest, whilst their parents purchased chocolate and drinks from Williams to aid recovery. It may take them awhile to receive this sustenance as their traumatised parents would be in need of a stiff drink at one of our local hostelries before calling ADCA to see if any car drivers were available.
In the sad event of any failure to recover, Graham Tressider could be called upon for assistance.
We felt this could be a win-win idea. We'd soon have enough money for parking combined with much needed extra income for our village businesses!

Like many people, I have some of my smartest and most creative ideas in the shower. These usually come after I have recovered from a rare sighting of my body which should look like a temple, but is more like a bouncy castle.

Today I was pondering on a diplomatic solution to the Ukraine / Russia situation, which wouldn't discourage Americans from learning a bit more world geography. Just as I came up with a peaceful 'Eureka' solution, my sponge slipped through my fingers, and whilst wallowing blindly around on the soapy floor, or as I like to think, doing my daily gymnastics, my short term memory loss kicked in, so now the world will never know.............

I was born to be wild but only until 8.00 pm and all the things I would really like to do are normally illegal, immoral or fattening, so I am delighted that this opportunity has arisen for me to address a few of the recent Chatbox entries.

Firstly, thank you to those who bother to read my rantings and enjoy them. I totally agree with those of you who wonder how I manage to get away with some of my remarks, I have no idea either. Even my husband hangs his head in shame when he walks around the village, however it could be something as simple as the editors like me and I'm 'unique' or they feel I'm a fine example for 'Care in the Community'. It's more likely they just think 'Do what you want, we're exhausted with Turnpike Field, the Adderley Lights, Football Reports, Parish Council Reports and Holes in the Road'!

Food for thought

Women who seek to be equal with men just lack ambition.
How many trees make a forest?
No matter how old you are, if a two year old offers you a phone – you answer it.

Steph