On Valentine's Day, I ate a whole box of chocolates whilst watching the rugby – well almost, as it was Valentine's Day and I have a generous nature I gave three to my husband. I select them for him in case he takes the ones I like. I once went two weeks without eating chocolate, but I lost the hearing in my left eye! Chocolate is to women what WD40 is to men, it fixes everything.
My husband always buys me two Valentine cards. I suspect this is because he hopes that the helpful assistants at the Coop will think he must have a mistress secreted away somewhere, after all he does spend an awful lot of time in other women's houses under the pretence of helping them with their iPads or whatever, or he's just hedging his bets that I might like at least one of them! I always buy the most sarcastic one I can find as I don't want to encourage him.
On Sundays I take my Government permitted exercise with a friend – surprisingly I do have one – or my 'mate' as Ian Jones from Hankelow calls her! As we amble around the back lanes, well, march is probably a better word as I'm taller so she has to almost run to keep up with me, we put the world to rights. She knows that if I ever sound inspirational, then one of us is drunk, and it won't be her, and on a bad day I have more issues than Cheshire Life that need to be aired.
Everything is changing at the moment, we appear to be taking our comedians seriously and our politicians as a joke. I also belong to a village Book Club which helps provide group therapy, but my recent suggestion of only reading wine labels doesn't seem to have gone down too well........at least I get a workout from it, as I read in bed until my arms are worn out.
This year, with all these supposed 'staycations', everyone appears to be heading for Devon and Cornwall, and I fear for our country as the sudden mass surge of post lockdown weight could tip the balance and the South West could end up submerged into the sea!
This could then create a Tsunami which would engulf my favourite holiday spot, The Scilly Isles!
For those who don't know, my partner and I have been fortunate enough to have a holiday home on Tresco for the past twenty years. I use the word 'partner" because my husband hates it and I like to rile him at least once a day to keep him on his toes.
Cunningly, we also encouraged our friends, Derek and Pam Jones, to leave Audlem and relocate to Cornwall so we would have a stopping place to eat the home made Cornish pasties that Pam is famous for!
Twice a year, the tide in the Scilly Isles recedes leaving a brief period when walking access from the island of Tresco to the neighbouring island of Bryher opens up.
This has only occurred once during our sojourns, and naturally I took up the challenge of crossing because the fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain should give me some hope! After all if you don't do stupid things whilst you can, what on earth are you going to talk about when you can't?
I tried to face the reality that if I wasn't quick enough crossing, I could, for the first time in my life, surf into the Atlantic, minus a board, never to be seen again until I reached the distant shores of America. However, concentrating on the positives, if that happened, it would be cheaper than a flight, I may land near Disneyland and failing this I could always spend an unwelcome visit with two of my children who dared to flee to the USA as if they were British refugees!
My husband is not known for his 'daredevil' antics, he won't jump over a stile without a safety net, so he perched himself on a rock, promising not to fall asleep, as I bravely rolled up my jeans, removed my 'sensible' beach shoes and armed with food supplies – my life is genuinely just one BigMac – set off to make this perilous crossing, safe in the knowledge that he would be taking a photo as proof that I had ticked yet another number off my bucket list.
All went well apart from a slight trip on some seaweed resulting in a 'soggy bottom' as Mary Berry would say, and I staggered back just as the tide was returning, feeling rather smug. My husband proudly showed me the photo he had taken, of some other woman!
I like to maintain my integrity, I was the bigger person, so I said nothing........for several days.
I don't think I get enough credit for the fact that I write these articles unmedicated.
Non stick pans remain so if you don't do any cooking. Just check mine out.
Ladies are like bacon, we look good, smell good, taste good but we will slowly kill you!
If someone gives you a radio for your shower be suspicious, there's no better place to dance than on a slippery surface next to a glass door!
Stop waiting for your Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The idiots probably stuck up a tree or something!