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The secret process that put Audlem in East Cheshire

1st April 2008 @ 6:06am – by Audlem Webteam
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Under the new Freedom of Disinformation Act that came into force this very day, AudlemOnline has been able to gain an insight into the Government's thinking behind the controversial decision to split the ancient County of Cheshire into two new entities, East and West Cheshire. Audlem will be part of East Cheshire, although our research revealed both putative counties fought to avoid having the village on their patch – "Audlem's just too much trouble" said one: "Give 'em Independence", said the other, "it's the only solution they'll be happy with."

The story behind how the boundary was decided is intriguing. It appears detailed surveys were carried out, Parish by Parish. If more Manchester United supporters were found than Liverpool supporters, the Parish went into East Cheshire. If Liverpool fans were in the majority, it was into West Cheshire. A high-level debate amongst administrators decided the views of Manchester City and Everton fans would not be considered as Cheshire might then have ended up as four counties, so setting back multi-culturism by a generation.

The Government denies, however, that this method of splitting the County will not mean East and West Cheshire are submerged into Greater Manchester and Merseyside in the future. "It won't happen for months, I mean years," said April Freudianslip, a spokeswoman for the Ministry for Community Disruption.

It appears the Ministry is working hard to avoid any major transfers of population with Liverpool fans moving from East to West Cheshire and vice versa for United fans. Given the historic enmity between the two sets of fans, and past experience of large-scale partitions in the days of Empire, contingency plans have been put in place to avoid similar problems. Fans on the move have, however, been urged not to wear team colours but to move home as inconspicuously as possible when the partition of Cheshire takes place.

This article is from our news archive. As a result pictures or videos originally associated with it may have been removed and some of the content may no longer be accurate or relevant.

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