The Rise and Fall of AoL

This was received at possibly the most fraught moment in the history of AoL – the combination of the website servers being out of action for 48 hours, plus all the breaking news about Covid-19 needing to be published.
Only now can the truth be revealed.....

As the corona virus continues its rapid spread, political leaders in many countries seem to have seized on a different question: Who can be blamed and why has AudlemOnline been affected......as opposed to infected? Who has insisted their projected new website start date be put back and why has it been taken offline?

Why is it happening? Who's to blame? Well here are the answers.

One of the external circumstances that has forced this issue is the lack of toilet paper.

Our own reliable Coop's shelves have been stripped bare by panicking Audlemites. The laid back members of AOL's technical support team who casually saunter over to replenish their stocks on the odd rare occasion, have been truly caught out!

These young computer experts are just whippersnappers who don't have any experience of using strips of newspaper, and, as many of them were in primary school when the last recession hit, economic complacency and consumer convenience are all they know.

I appreciate that this is a delicate subject, so I will try my best to be as tactful as possible. Needless to say, there is no getting out of the fact that at some point in our lives we will all find ourselves up the proverbial creek without a paddle. In order to get through this harrowing ordeal you will probably lose a little dignity too; it is practically unavoidable I'm afraid. It would appear that AOL's techies have had their new AOL website design attention diverted to finding other solutions to their lack of loo rolls.

Secondly, and this is unforgivable, the new coronavirus, which was first found recently in China, is not the same as Corona beer. It has nothing to do with beer. It is not sold in bottles. It doesn't go with a lime wedge. Someone needs to tell people they don't need to stop drinking it! It would appear that all of the personnel connected with AOL have turned to Gin and are now unable to focus on the problems!

Fortunately our Coop has plentiful supplies, so we can arrange for some young healthy individual to deliver it – this could also prove difficult as Audlem is normally run by the over seventies.

So it would appear that all that is needed to bring Audlem Online's old and new website to its knees is to rely on a plentiful supply of toilet paper for its techies, which they don't have, combined with control over their drinking habits, which they also don't have!

Valiantly drinking Corona – because according to chemistry alcohol is a solution – should help the situation and get things up and running, so if you are reading this, then my advice worked!

Afterthoughts:

If you need dozens of rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine, you probably should have been seeing a doctor long before the COVID 19!

Day 1 – I have stocked up enough non-perishable food to last us for months, possibly years.

Day 1 + 45 minutes, I am in the Coop because I wanted a Twix!