Referendum coming up

Rumours that Audlem Parish Council were seeking advice from Vladimir Putin on running a referendum on how the secede from Cheshire East have, it seems, proved to be unfounded.

Our mole on the council says that some members were concerned that Putin only achieved a 95% level of support for his policy of the Crimea seceding from Ukraine whereas in his good old KGB days, 99.9% was the normal level.

With his powers clearly fading, he may not be worth his current consultation fee level, councillors said, in a debate held behind closed doors.

Remarkably, however, some Audlem and Buerton residents will have a vote in an upcoming referendum. Because of computer error, where a transposition of one letter in the Cowdenbeath, Fife, postcode, CW3 residents of Bagley Lane, Kinsey Heath and Buerton will have an unexpected vote in the Scottish Independence referendum in September.

AudlemOnline has interviewed a selection of those given this surprise involvement in our northerly neighbour's affairs. It appears, our polling shows, that locals will be voting unanimously in favour of Scottish independence.

The reasons, our researchers found, vary enormously. One said that the Royal Bank of Scotland's management of its financial affairs over recent years prove that independence should be massively profitable for Scotland and, in any case, all-inclusive Politicians Protection Insurance (PPI) cover from the bank will reduce any risks to nil.

Another 'voter' said severing links with Scotland might mean a different song can be sung in the Square on News Year's Eve where the English will know vaguely what the words mean.

The only doubt raised was by fans of the Audlem Bagpipe & Hurdy Gurdy Festival each November but even they conceded that additional bagpipers from Northumberland would make up for absent Scots that cannot obtain a visa next year.

All our local voters agreed on one thing, however. If Alex Salmond or deputy leader Nicola Sturgeon visit Audlem to canvas, they will almost certainly change their mind and vote No!

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