Is this the answer to troublesome youths?

Audlem's Community Action Meetings with the police have regularly identified troublesome youths as a village issue the police should focus on. Now Government advice is being passed to local councils telling them they could disperse youths who cause problems to communities by playing music that is "so uncool" they can't stand to stay in a public place and have to listen to it.

This has been a successful ploy in Australia where its is called The Manilow method as that singer's efforts with 'Copacabana' and 'Mandy' have been piped through loudspeakers and youngsters dispersed immediately. This alone might also explain the vast numbers of young Aussies that have, understandably, moved to London!

The Local Government Association in Britain has put together its Top 20 Dispersal list. They include Release Me by Engelbert Humperdinck – this is particularly aimed at those that are electronically tagged as is Unchained Melody by Robsom and Jerome. Other beauties include I've had the time of my life by Bill Medley and I will always love you by Whitney Houston, which should be able to clear a full-scale riot.

Close to You by the Carpenters and, it just had to be on the list, There's no one quite like Grandma by the St Winifred's School choir, are other dispersal favourites. Scotland's The Proclaimers with I'm gonna be 500 miles gain an honourable mention and obviously anything by Des O'Connor will work. But the real top dispersal star is Cliff Richard. A seasonal rendition of Mistletoe and Wine is possibly the musical dispersal equivalent of the nuclear deterrent – just threatening to play it should create peace and tranquility anywhere in the land.

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