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AudlemOnline target of cyberattack

1st April 2024 @ 6:06am – by Webteam
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hand with hammer crashing hard drive

Mysterious computer failures

During the past month the otherwise reliable computers used by the two older (and wiser) members of the editorial team have mysteriously ceased to function, causing various issues in maintaining the flow of news on AudlemOnline. The third member has so far escaped, but this might be because of being away on frequent holidays.

Now this is clearly too coincidental to be an accident, and AoL has been investigating the likely cause of the problem – the favourite suggestion is some form of Cyber Attack, but the question is – by whom?

There are a number of possibilities

The Russians

They may well want to get their own back for Audlem's unwavering support of the UIkraine.

The Chinese

...are known to be trying to prevent rowdy groups of troublemakers from disturbing their Utopian peace, and perhaps they have heard that Probus are planning their next trip to Beijing.

The Americans

Alongside most of the country, many Audlem residents are appalled and concerned at the possibility of another Trump Presidency and it's potential effect on democracy – perhaps this is an attempt to silence opposition?.

GCHQ, Cheltenham

Both AoL members with the dodgy computers have paid a visit to the West Country recently and in one case was stuck on the M5 by the Cheltenham exit for an hour – plenty of time for the sophisticated equipment to have located and infected the computer in the boot of the car.

Cheshire East

...are probably sick and tired of AoL contributors banging on about potholes and so forth – but would they have the equipment given that any attempt to bring sensitive devices to, say, Hack Green Secret Bunker, would fail because any such delicate devices would be shaken to bits by the potholes before they arrived – oops, here we go again.

Which leaves the Parish Council

Well, something must have happened to all that money – perhaps that odd scruffy bit in the middle of Turnpike Field hides a 10 gigawatt listening/jamming/laser device and since they have just acquired planning permission to use the Field, this is a sort of practice run before they annihilate all the complaining computers in the Parish?

Please report problems

If your computer stops working, please send an e-mail to editor@audlem.moon (temporary office).

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