Audlem WI September Luncheon Club

Don't you just hate it when you feel hungry and go into your kitchen only to find cupboards full of ingredients? I read recipes the same way I read science fiction, I get to the end and think 'well that's never going to happen.' You can say this for ready-mixes though, the next generation isn't going to have any trouble making pies exactly like their mother used to make!

When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch. Audlem WI have solved this dearth of wisdom by arranging a lunch for our members every month to stimulate their brains and refocus. On the whole we tend to be relentlessly optimistic and never focus on the negative, however every now and then there comes a time when we have to say 'I'm a woman, I have needs, pass me the wine!'

This month it was the turn for Sue Clarke to take up the reins and she bravely arranged for fourteen WI stalwarts including one visitor to meet at the Hinds Head, Norton-in-Hales after doing a recce with her long-suffering husband Ben to ensure both the food and wine would be up to our expectations.

We ladies have heels higher than most people's standards, but we had confidence in Sue and Ben as Sue is one of us and Ben is a member of Probus....for those who don't know, Probus stands for 'Professional Businessmen' but I prefer the alternative meaning of Prostate Removed Other Bits Under Surveillance' !

Women like Sue with her superior organising skills could normally run a construction company without ever picking up a hammer and nails, however although there is strength in numbers, organising those numbers is a little more difficult as certain – nameless – members arrived a little late due to unforeseen circumstances like the odd road closure, diversions and nail varnish not quite dry. Brenda did her best to message these latecomers, however by the time she had found her glasses, rummaged for her phone and checked that she had enough credit, (we'll have a whip round later) they happily arrived in time, much to everyone's relief.

Advanced Drinkers...

For the September lunch we had a new lady named Suzie who was 'considering' joining the WI. Now we're not alcoholics, we like to think of ourselves as 'Advanced Drinkers,' so much to our shock we all took a sharp intake of breath as she ordered tea! Fortunately, she also ordered a large white wine, so all was not lost and we could relax as the important job of drinks ordering was resumed. I have included her photo so that other WI members can see that she will be 'up to our standards'.

People talk about having an inner child, we don't. We have inner old ladies who say inappropriate things, tell everyone to be quiet and want to go to bed when we feel like it.

This pretty much sums up the topics of conversations at our lunches. High on the agenda for this lunch was a photo of a bruised foot which had been published on AudlemOnline with the question 'who did it belong to?' Honestly, they'll print any old rubbish nowadays.

Sue stood up to present Pat with the very sock worn on the aforesaid foot, washed I hasten to add, embroidered with an 'L' for left, because sometimes we need a little bit of extra help. This was the prize for guessing correctly that it was Ben's foot on show! Personally, I might want some investigations into how Pat knew it was Ben's foot, however I may have to leave that for another time as I didn't want to promote disharmony or marriage break ups whilst enjoying our lunch.

What is it about food presentation nowadays? I once saw some idiot put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on a treadmill, however things seem to have progressed even further downhill nowadays as a simple scampi, chips and peas was delivered to us in three separate containers on a plate? What's that all about?

We faced this challenge with the disdain it deserved and tipped everything out onto our plates, after all why go through life if you are not going to challenge yourselves? The resulting flotsam and jetsam was pushed to one side as we don't like our views obscured in case we reach for the wrong drink.

Always room for dessert...

Now no matter how much we eat, there is always room for dessert. Dessert doesn't go to the stomach. Dessert goes to the heart. We chortled as the long suffering waitress asked us if we would like to see the dessert menu.....was she mad? Of course, we would like to 'see' it, she then knew that we would be putty in her hands.

I think all restaurants should have a sign for us ladies 'These premises are occupied by compulsively obsessed dessert loving people with no self-control or discipline.'

Now for the decision making. Tell me, how are we supposed to relax in a world where 'truffle' can mean either chocolate or fungus? Finally, I settled on a lemon posset which was exquisite! Hats off to Margaret, one of our lunchers, she has lost over five stone in the last year, as she proudly revealed to us all by lifting her blouse and refusing both chips and dessert – a woman of strength and commitment, well deserving of her WI status.

Finally, we realised it was probably time to leave as the waitresses were stifling their yawns, although I am sure that sometimes they must be listening in to our conversations and mentally giving us their opinions, so no wonder they were exhausted!

Time to pay our bills, having all agreed in advance to pay individually for our meals. Sadly, we usually forget to inform the Restaurant Manager about our decisions who, after a prolonged hour of wrangling with till receipts, is quite frankly, glad to see the back of us!

Some people ask me the secret of my long marriage. Well, we both take time to go to a restaurant twice a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. I go Tuesdays, he goes Fridays!

See you all at the October meeting.

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