Audlem W.I. Garden Party

Ed: just note all the empty glasses in front of the President

Audlem WI Garden Party – 2024

The sun was shining, birds were singing, and Audlem Women's Institute ladies were girding their loins for an afternoon of pure, unadulterated relaxation. Betty Minns' garden was an exquisite inferno of vibrant blooms and verdant foliage, where the sweltering heat danced off the meticulously manicured lawns like mirages of paradise. Her gardener had outdone himself, transforming the space into a stunning oasis that could make even the Sahara envious. Amidst this horticultural marvel, the Audlem WI Committee arrived early, their faces flushed, not only from the blistering sun but also from the well-earned glass of Prosecco they downed to steady their nerves. They bustled about, setting up tables, chairs, and umbrellas with the precision of a military operation, preparing for the imminent invasion by their exuberant members, ready to turn this scorching sanctuary into the social event of the summer.

Tim, an ever-patient carer, was tasked with keeping an eye on two of the WI ladies' husbands. These three appeared to be the living embodiment of 'Last of the Summer Wine,' and were to be found in their garden, playing with miniature electric trains. Tim stood guard, ensuring their antics didn't derail the neighbourhood's peace, all the while wondering if he was caring for them or merely refereeing the world's most eccentric model railway championship! The present Mr Richardson was also in need of care and was lying in a darkened room after discovering he had a state pension increase of 25p – you'd think he'd discovered a new galaxy in his wallet!

Deciding that sweating over hot stoves was best left to masochists and TV chefs, we ladies wisely outsourced our culinary duties to 'The Tearoom at No 11'. This genius move not only spared us from potential kitchen-induced meltdowns but also ensured a delectable spread of sandwiches and cakes that would make even Mary Berry weep with joy.

Two of our more distinguished and elderly members, the two Anne's arrived and majestically manoeuvred their walkers, holding court over the rest of us like Queens on wheels. With every determined step, they effortlessly claimed the best shady spots, leaving us all to marvel at their supreme, if slightly unsteady, progress.

The rest of our ladies, in their annual quest for that elusive patch of shade, looked like a flock of determined flamingos, each balancing a glass of Prosecco in one hand and a plate of nibbles in the other. It was a sight to behold as they elegantly teetered about, with the occasional squeal as someone misjudged a step and nearly sacrificed their snack to the sun-drenched lawn. As they zigzagged across the garden, it became clear that finding shade whilst keeping their treats intact was the WI's version of an Olympic sport, with camaraderie and clinking glasses as their ultimate prize.

In a stroke of genius (or laziness, depending on whom you asked), someone had downloaded a Dingbats quiz from the internet. This brain-teasing extravaganza was rumoured to challenge Mensa members but was thankfully dialled down to a level appropriate for the day's leisurely vibe. Laughter erupted as answers ranged from brilliantly ridiculous to undeniably impressive!

Finally, with the raffle drawn, our members collapsed back into their chairs, red-faced and breathless. It was a scene of pure, joyous pandemonium. And so, under the golden hues of a setting sun, the perfect afternoon garden party came to a close. Bellies full, minds lightly exercised, and spirits high, the Audlem WI ladies ambled, and in some cases wobbled, home, already dreaming of next year's frivolity.
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