Audlem WI – Do they think we are stupid?

Audlem WI May Meeting- Do they think we are Stupid?

Audlem WI is no stranger to Health and Safety rules.

All the delicious and varied cakes that we produce must have their ingredients listed, a Health and Hygiene inspection of our kitchens and the appropriate Government certificates issued and rubber stamped before any sales can be made, by which time we are too exhausted to even pull on our disposable anti bacterial gloves!

Personally I don't have any of these problems as I purchase all my cakes from M&S because they do it all for me. I do have to add that my kitchen is absolutely spotless as I don't cook either!

Yes, Health and Safety has a lot to answer for, however sometimes we come across things that truly beggar belief!

Having recently purchased an M&S Bread and Butter superior pudding – let's face it, anything is superior to my cooking – the instructions on the packet state; Beware that after heating contents may be hot! Well who'd have guessed?

Also, whilst perusing a bottle of Boot's Children's Cough Medicine I came across these wise words; Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication!
We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with coughs and head-colds to stop driving bulldozers and get off those forklift trucks!

On a Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom); Do not turn upside down. Well...duh, a bit late!

On a bag of Crisps; You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. This must be a shoplifter special offer!

And so it came to pass that over forty sprightly members of our village institute, hopped, skipped and jumped over potholes to our May meeting, in the hopeful anticipation of winning a few prizes at dominoes!

This was 'Resolution' month, hence the slightly lower turnout combined with the fact that many of our members were either selecting suitable outlandish attire, delving in their lofts for suitcases or packing in eager anticipation of the forthcoming 'Probus' holiday where I believe they are travelling as far afield as Harrogate this year, brave souls!

Resolutions month should make us pause and ponder as when you get to a certain point in the journey of life, people move beyond apathy, beyond skepticism into deep cynicism which means that we needed a full discussion and debate upon the two resolutions presented to us; Alleviating Loneliness and Plastic Soup: Keep microplastic fibres out of our oceans.

Kath Disley and Margaret Lockwood bravely read out the WI information on the two resolutions with their usual great aplomb. Having only just received the information, they both did a sterling job and a short debate followed, before both resolutions were passed.

For good ideas and true innovation, you need peoples' interaction, conflict, argument and debate and we should be allowed to speak our minds openly, debate our disagreements honestly, but always pursue solidarity. Sadly, I personally don't feel we gave our members enough time or enough prior knowledge for a full and frank debate this time, however fortunately the voting outcome would probably not have been any different.

Now came the exciting part of our meeting as Joyce Clydesdale gamely tried to organise the group into teams of four whilst Irene Cunliffe – obviously the font of all dominoes knowledge – explained the rules and regulations to us.

Sadly some members, misunderstanding our events diary, were expecting a Dominos pizza delivery and had skipped tea. Fortunately another of our delicious high teas was awaiting them so they soon settled down!

Now, if you are not prepared to lose every friend you ever had over playing dominoes you're just not taking it seriously enough. There are warnings on the box; 'Caution, Dominoes is Addictive' but I don't believe it's a classified drug, so we shouldn't come into any proximity with the law, however we did place sentries on the door as we like to be prepared for all eventualities.

The domino effect has the capacity to change the course of an entire world. That is what life is, a chain reaction of individuals colliding with others and influencing their lives without realising it. A decision that seems minuscule to you, may be monumental to the fate of another, and so it was that our members fell into a stunned concentrated silence as they gambled on their pieces blocking others and leading to a winning outcome, after all, prizes and personal honour were at stake!

After 45 minutes of blood, sweat and tears, Pat Jones was crowned our Domino Queen. She looked very elegant with her crown, sceptre and sash which she has to wear until Audlem Carnival as they were only borrowed. Our funds don't stretch to such extravagancies.

By this time, the stress of concentrating so long was beginning to tell and so our ladies were very grateful for the relief of tea and cakes whilst Joyce could finally relax and wipe her fevered brow after a successful dominoes session – we expect to see her in a couple of weeks when she will have left her darkened room!

Jackie Creber had once again arranged some beautiful bouquets for our May birthday ladies; Jean Cook, Margaret Lockwood, Pat Clarke and Doreen Parker, who has reached the grand age of 90 and is still going strong!

Pat Smith had gamely taken over the role of Raffle Lady due to the fact that Christine Salisbury had badly broken her arm – get well soon Christine.

Winners of the raffle were Kath Disley, Anne Hollins, Joyce Clydesdale, Chris Plume and Jackie Creber. It was no surprise that the first raffle prize to be selected was a beautiful table flower arrangement, courtesy of Ann Pearce.

Finally, Daphne Mounteney wished everyone a safe journey home as Pat Jones left the meeting with her head held high!

In conclusion, to our friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand. Ben Franklin said:

'In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.'

However, we do NOT run any risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whisky etc) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Also, I think we've all seen what water does to the bottom of boats!!

Therefore, it's better to drink wine......but we already knew that didn't we?

See you all at the carnival.

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