Audlem & District W.I. – April Report

Audlem WI – April Meeting

Why do people appear to be so tired by April? Is it because they have just finished a 31 day March ( think about it ) or is it because we are fed up with April1st practical jokes, especially when they get elected?

I think we can all agree that it will be nice to take a break from fretting about everything going on in the world for a moment and have a chuckle at life. Fortuitously these feelings coincided with Audlem WI members plodding their way to the Scout & Guide Hall meeting this week, leaving in plenty of time to circumnavigate the five mile diversion to avoid the local road closures, but intent on having a jolly good time.

Now I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills, so I'm guessing the powers that be are fully aware that there is a 'Highway to Hell' and a 'Stairway to Heaven', so were they anticipating the future weight of traffic relentlessly pounding their way through our vibrant village? I think not.

It takes a lot to keep great women down and the speaker this month was giving a talk on 'Tax, Care and Toy Boys', a subject we just don't know enough about – toy boys I mean!

Our President Lin Nicholas warmly welcomed our members and two guests Jan and Ann, proceeding to deal with the usual business matters in her normal professional way. She then cosied up to Jackie Creber, our secretary, so that they could share the microphone which was safely attached to Lin's jacket – we may have to explain the #MeToo campaign to her!

Sue Davies gave a witty short talk with snippets on how our monthly competitions differ from the ones we had in the twenties. Exciting challenges such as 'The longest potato peeling' and 'How many things can you get in a matchbox?' – we knew how to have fun!

Joyce Clydesdale announced all the exciting trips she has arranged for us in the coming few months, including a day out into another country – a trip to Wales! Joyce is a real Trojan, she beavers around in the background only to emerge with numerous exciting trip ideas to stimulate our members who otherwise would just be wandering aimlessly around the streets of Audlem smiling at everybody whilst we still have teeth.

I stood up to talk about 'Cowpats', well somebody has to, an intriguing fund raising idea from and for ADCA, and as expected, there was rush to put precise crosses on the appropriate entry forms. Most of our members have farming connections and knowledge of 'when' and 'how' a cowpat is likely to be dropped. I consider this an unfair advantage so I'll be off to Boots to get some senna for the finale to swing things back in my favour!

Lin then introduced our speaker Glyn, a man with a great smile and wicked sense of humour, who launched into his talk on Estate Planning and all the pitfalls that could beset our weak and gullible members.

Our ears pricked up as he tactfully explained that there was a market amongst more mature ladies to find themselves toy boys, which could lead to rack and ruin for any expected inheritors of our estates. We chose to forget that last bit and concentrate on the first part – there was a toy boy app! In the interests of science and to save our ladies time I have researched the best one thoroughly and here it is:
toyboywarehouse.com

For those who find themselves back on the market, or indeed are just a bit fed up with the present model, apps can be a real alternative to waiting for some toothless male to talk to you at a pub. Older men think they know best and have the right to lecture you about it for two solid hours. Younger ones may be cocky too, but in a cute, trying-to-impress you way not a 'you must agree with everything I say or you're an idiot' way.

Why date an older woman? I struggled to come up with any good reasons, outside of the fact that many of us have our own money, don't want any more children, don't want marriage, aren't afraid of nudity, can drive, cook, drink and scold....and know how to have fun, although we've moved on from the back seats of cars and prefer hotel luxury!

We don't suffer fools. We are educated, or experienced at least. In accomplishments, many of us are indeed the man we hoped to marry. I'd like to think that we could all do with some youthful energy in our lives, and men, for the love of God, up your game. Stop saying that you went to the University of Life: Everyone has.

I think that's enough of the Toy Boy aspect of Glyn's talk as he also went into great detail about all of the pitfalls we could encounter on our merry way to leaving our partners and/or children a small amount of what we have recklessly not spent!

June gave Glyn a worthy vote of thanks for all of the fundamentally important and thought provoking information he had given us before rushing off to check her new app!

His talk had been extremely informative, and I came home discussing 'Lasting Powers of Attorney', 'Tenants in Common', 'Health & Welfare' and 'Funeral Planning'......for himself, not me!

This month's competition was 'Something Red'. The winner was Shirley Firth who had taken off her red Morris Dancing clogs especially for this occasion. Second was Jean Cook with a beautiful red beaded necklace and third Anne Poole, with her good old fashioned knitted teapot cover – hold on to it Anne, they may yet return to favour!

I won the raffle prize money, it'll be going straight onto my Grand National bets as I like to invest my money wisely. Chris Rhodes won the flower arrangement, so combined with her birthday flowers, she will be going home looking like a flower shop!

Birthday flowers were given out to Jessica Trudgill, Sue Davies, Sheila Harris, Doreen Hubbard, Betty Minns, Christine Plume, Chris Rhodes, Wyn Yates and Suzie Warren – phew! Working my way back nine months, it would seem that a lot of our parents really enjoyed their summer holidays!

Lin wished everyone a safe journey home and the meeting closed with the expected rush of ladies, eager to open their computers in the happy contemplation of spending hours trawling the internet in the interests of biology of course!

Top Tip – A bit late for you all now, however I put my raffle money on Tiger Roll! I'm off to the Bahamas with my winnings!

Click on the image to see the cartoon and the enlarged photos

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