A Different kind Of grieving

Ed: This poignant article was sent to us by a local resident who wished to remain anonymous. Under the extreme circumstances we think that we should
respect those wishes.

A different kind of grieving.

When my mother died in 1996 it wasn't unexpected. She had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer earlier in the year and been bed-ridden for several weeks. She died at home in her own bed. I had been with her the week before.

When my father died in 2002 that wasn't expected. Although he was 92 he seemed to be in good health generally. Again I had seen him quite recently. According to the staff of the Care Home where he lived he was laughing and joking one minute and gone the next. What a wonderful end.

Last week my sister died. She had tested positive for Covid-19 after being admitted to hospital for an unrelated and non-life threatening condition. Because of health issues our usual New Year family gathering had been postponed. We were still waiting to exchange Christmas presents. My sister had been keen to do this face-to-face.

Two days later my brother-in-law died. He had been admitted to hospital with a chest infection, sent home and then re-admitted before also testing positive. They were in the same hospital.

My nephew and niece were allowed to spend a reasonable length of time with their father and said their good-byes. My nephew wasn't allowed to see his mother because he had a cough. My niece was given a couple of minutes with her.

Due to the present restrictions I can't travel to be with my nephew and niece, who have lost both parents within 48 hours of each other. There will be a funeral with no mourners.

My family is just one among many around the world which has lost loved ones. We are all reluctant members of the same club.

This is not a normal time and the grieving experience is not normal either. Normal involves meeting up with friends and family a few weeks later. Attending a service or celebration of the dead person's life. Gathering in a home or pub afterwards and sharing memories, tears and hugs. Making donations to a charity in memory of the deceased. Saying how good it is to see everyone. Wishing it wasn't such a sad occasion. Resolving not to leave it so long next time.

This is a steep learning curve for us all. Perhaps we will resolve to stay in regular contact with family and friends; learn to live more in the moment because no-one knows what the future might bring; plan a get-together which isn't a funeral.

The Christmas presents are still in the box, wrapped up but with no-one to receive them.