Were you in Cheshire Street?

Parrot and Otter sightings recently have been remarkable enough but on Saturday morning there was a Jaguar, prone in the middle of Cheshire Street!

This though was no feline thing of beauty but instead a Jaguar of the horsepower (or lack of) variety. Having manoeuvred my car all of 30 yards off my drive and into the middle of the road, misfortune struck and we were marooned.

With no power to the engine and the auto gearbox stuck in 'park' there was no option but to abandon ship and call for help. I am not sure whether Audlem had 'stocks' for miscreants in by-gone days but certainly sitting on my front wall for an hour and a half whilst the good people of Audlem made their way past my obstruction and I was a similarly chastening experience!

Sat waiting, I was scanning the trees for parrot sightings and whilst out of luck on that front I was able to observe a whole variety of subspecies of the human being and associated behaviours.

As you would expect the most common sighting was that of 'The Common Villager'. With no remarkable behavioural characteristics this plentiful species took a quick look at the scene and proceeded carefully along. A welcome part of village life.

Less common but no less attractive is the 'Cheerfulus Samaritanus'. I was lucky enough to encounter half a dozen or so, with their sympathetic appearance and distinctive and inquisitive call; "wannapush?".

A surprisingly common sighting was of the "Dramaticus Histrionicus". I saw quite of few of these, both the head shaking variety and the less common arm waving sub species. I can't be absolutely sure but one of the arm waving types, could actually have been a 'coffee bean shaker', but surely not in Audlem?

Four sightings though were truly memorable: 'The Agitated Verbalus'. Each of the four displayed both the arm waving and the head shaking but with the added bonus of the high pitched calling. The youngsters' call is "idiot" whilst the older specimens tend to prefer "pleb".

One thought he recognised me, calling out to me by name but I am David, not Dick.

After a while the fourth emergency service arrived (thank goodness the other three are quicker) and with the obstruction removed, village life returned to normal.

So, if you were momentarily held up on Cheshire Street on Saturday I am truly sorry. Entirely my fault (having run out of fuel) and I can only apologise.

If it makes you feel better, the incident probably cost you no more than 30 seconds whilst it cost me 5 hours – which seems like suitable penance for my stupidity!

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