Audlem WI – Our Christmas Story

Once again, we open our hearts and homes to welcome in the Season of Goodwill complete with baby Jesus in a crib, a hay strewn manger filled with a variety of animals including lobsters (for those who watch 'Love Actually') and penguins – now how did that happen?

Having recently watched David Attenborough's 'Dynasties' program, it would appear this Christmas scene is bang on trend and it's a curious thing to watch two penguins fight. They swat their flippers at each other as their graceless bodies tip back and forth in a desperate bid to stay upright. It's like a bar brawl between two female Eastenders stars, clawing each other with one hand and balancing a large glass of un-spilled white wine in the other! This is a feat to be admired in my book – un-spilled wine, not brawling!

And, thanks to the current trend of intense anthropomorphism in nature documentaries these flightless blobs swiftly become survivalist heroes, forced to make the most impossible decisions out there on the ice......much like we ladies mulling over what we would like for Christmas, as opposed to what we will actually get.

Indeed, a penguin is beautifully designed for many things, but mating is not one of them as a penguin with one thing on his mind is often seen to roll over and fall flat on his face......yes, we've all been there!

One good thing about Xmas shopping though is that it toughens you up for the January sales and as most of the soap operas always use their Christmas specials to kill off huge quantities of their characters with trains coming off their rails, cars slamming into each other and buildings burning, it also provides a great general clean-out all round, so to follow suit, ladies, there's no shame in resurrecting those unwanted gifts cluttering up your wardrobes and recycling them. Our WI would commend you.

Christmas is a magical time of year... usually I just watch all my money magically disappear, although I do like to see where it is, usually hanging in my wardrobe!

As a woman, I know that when we feel depressed, we behave sensibly and either eat chocolate or go shopping where we can happily chat to the ever welcoming Lisa in Brambles, an amazing cornucopia of kitchenware we didn't even know we needed, or stand amazed at the incredible and talented Christmas window creations of Judy in Williams – displays of which even Harrods would be proud!

We ladies are always delighted to help our local village economy, however men, when depressed, will act slightly differently and just invade another country, proving yet again our superior and completely different thought processes.

Actually, the odds of our ladies going to the shops for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are about two billion to one and anyone who believes the competitive spirit in our country is dead has never been to Aldi when the cashier opens another checkout!

However, have I got this Santa business right? They say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? Well we know it's probably Ralph Warburton BEM going about his annual duties, but are we certain this man isn't laundering illegal drug money? He appears to spend an awful lot of his down time in Spain!

Audlem WI Christmas Party

And so, our members came, pouring into the Scout and Guide Hall with great aplomb, ensuring their handbags were reserving places closest to the food and their friends and attired in a variety of outlandish and garish Christmas outfits, fully aware that you cannot climb the ladder of a successful life dressed in the mere costumes of failure.

Words are not enough to describe the complexity of some of the outfits, baubles strategically placed in inappropriate places, flashing jumpers enhancing our buxom bodies and you have to admire those ladies who hadn't shaved for weeks in order to sport fine Christmas whiskers which normally they wouldn't be seen dead with – only joking ladies!

One thing you can always rely on our members to show is unlimited generosity. They had been asked to provide suitable and much needed items for our local Food Bank and true to form an amazing array of tinned meat, washing materials, hygiene requirements and tinned vegetables were placed on two tables, which groaned under the weight and required two of our committee members, Jean Cook and Joyce Clydesdale, to pack and store over seven large boxes which will be collected by the Food Bank on Monday.

As the clock struck two, warmed mulled wine miraculously appeared and the party came into full swing. Our 'Entertainments Secretary' Joyce Clydesdale challenged our members with a children's game of "match the pairs'. Large numbered gold coins were placed face down and each member took it in turns to see if they could recall any matching numbers, if they could they won the chocolate. Now I don't like to say that we are competitive, but some ladies replaced coins rather swiftly so other members couldn't see them in time, whilst others lingered a mite too long as so much is buried in our lives that we forget what we have learned!

Very soon several ladies had a good stash of chocolate in front of them, whilst others needed to eat it in order to enhance concentration.

Meanwhile, Joyce policed each table to check on fair play whilst one of our elite gamblers – Pat W. (just ask her about roulette) – merely smiled benignly confident in the knowledge that she was not only replete with a Xmas meal with The Embroiderers Guild – yes, some of our members were on the second party of the day – but still had a stash of green chips at home from her last party! Retirement is not for wimps!

Every year our WI committee go to town at Christmas producing a superb high tea for our members. There was a huge selection of delectable sandwiches, no crusts of course, sausage rolls, cheese scones, fruitcake, meringues, lemon drizzle etc. etc., and of course that ever refreshing cup of tea!

Fired up once again, our members formed a ring, well, more of an oval – most of us have myopia – for our version of pass the parcel. Lin Nicholas stood bravely in the centre and read out the Christmas story filled with right and lefts. Somehow this always manages to leave people in a bit of a tizzy, as normally we can tell our left from our right, but under pressure to claim the nicest wrapped gift we appear to become four-year-olds!

June Perry cleared the piano of all the rubbish, she needed to find the black and white stuff, and we all raised our voices, almost together, giving out rousing renditions of our favourite carols.

Our competition winners for this month – a home-made Christmas card – were:

• 1st Joyce Clydesdale
• 2nd Anne Watson & Daphne Mounteney
• 3rd Margaret Wells and Kath Disley.

Lyn Wainwright won our 'Best Christmas Outfit Competition' as she was the only member to have Christmas tights on – good grief, what were the rest of us wearing?

This month's birthday ladies received yet another Christmas gift in the form of beautiful bouquets created yet again by our in-house florist Jackie Creber. Happy birthday to Helen Drake, Anne Godfrey and Christine Jenkins.

Finally, our President Lin Nicholas wished all our members a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, especially to one or two of our members who are in hospital.

A big thank you to all the Committee members who worked so hard to ensure a good time was had by all.

Remember a hug is the perfect gift; one size fits all, and nobody minds if you exchange it!

See you all next year......our Centenary!

Top Tip

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