We, the Kingbur residents, have just had a meeting which has once again highlighted the continual damage being done to the cobblestones at our entrance by parking on the yellow lines. We know there have been several accidents to shoppers and we residents will all have to pay for them to be relaid....the cobblestones, not the shoppers!
This write up is just a half hearted attempt to remind people to park carefully and legally. I know, this is a fat chance that that will happen but I am an eternal optimist!
Click on the photos to enlarge
How do we communicate when angry and displeased? Do we turn up our rage dial a notch, or kill the problem with politeness, which, to be fair, we residents have done up until now, although the resulting verbal confrontations have had us checking our dictionaries in order to understand the context!
If you were annoyed with someone's driving and parking abilities, or a lack thereof, would you choose the classical honking and swearing or would you smile and nod at the idiot?
While reckless drivers and parking violations may make us want to key their cars or smash their side view mirrors, violence here is not recommended as an answer, as the refined and delicate residents of Kingbur tend to be more quiescent than that.
The right way to shame such fools, who clearly believe they can park anywhere close by to do their Coop shopping, could be a passive-aggressive or downright impolite sticky note which cannot be removed by any products sold at Williams (we'll have a word with Judy) glued to their windshield. This way we could get away without an angry confrontation and the jackass who p****d you off might find that he/she has some consciousness still in them. It's a win-win situation, really.
We are seriously considering gluing notes onto the windshields of the worst cases of bad parking under our arch, on the double yellow lines and into our cul-de-sac, because we cannot bear these thoughtless dimwits anymore. We are hoping these notes will humiliate them, but we're not holding our breath!
On a much more serious note, the continuous illegal parking on the double yellow lines is dislodging many of the cobbles and sadly, there have been a few incidents of Audlem residents tripping and injuring themselves. None of us want this, so please, be considerate and park legally otherwise we will be forced to position bouncers at the entrance.........there are a few strongmen/women living in Kingbur, but they do take the odd afternoon nap and tend to go to bed early, so they may need a few gym sessions to bring them up to scratch!
I'm listing a few ideas which I will be taking to our next residents meeting, we will, of course, consult with our lovely local PC, whom we know has our best interests at heart.
If any of you have any further sticker suggestions, please let us know.....politely!!
"You park like an asshole, please don't reproduce!"
"This is quite a parking job, I presume you did it blindfolded?"
"Congratulations! S--t Parking Award! ( This one will be on a certificate ) "or
"The Inconsiderate Parkers Award."
"Thank you for Parking so close to us, we'll bring a sardine can opener with us next time.'
"50% Off Parking Tuition."
"People like you should take the bus."