Kingbur Place Jubilee Party

By the time this item appears the party concerned, along with all the other Jubilee celebrations, will be over. It was decided not to pre-publicise the event, because given the popularity of living in Kingbur, we feared for our alcohol supplies should any advance warning be given!

Kingbur Place Jubilee Party – the preamble

Beware, Kingbur Place is arranging a Jubilee Party and our road will be full of gaiety and laughter to which the rest of the village is not invited due to the rise in the cost of living!

So, if you were planning on parking anywhere near us over the Bank Holiday weekend, double yellow lines being the normal preferred choice, you take the risk of Jubilee trifle being smeared on your windscreens, especially messy if I've had anything to do with its' construction, as it probably won't be edible.

Any gatecrashers will be strung up with the bunting as we have rationed out the Pimms to one bottle each.

Until further notice we are going to celebrate anything and everything.

We've held a meeting, everyone was sober, and we have descended en masse on Market Drayton and Nantwich in a futile search for important regal items which we have discovered are not available due to Brexit.

Undaunted, we have turned to Amazon who have employed extra staff to cope with our demands and paper plates, bunting, crowns and flags are winging their way to the Coop to ensure that Audlem party standards are maintained.

Our previous Silver and Gold Jubilee party organising skills have been updated. We no longer need to ensure that high chairs and bibs are available, although we may still need a few of the latter, but we have checked that all walking aids have seats and will be pureeing the odd plate of Coronation Chicken should it be required.

We have sent out embossed invitations, beautifully designed by Joe the Printer, to those fortunate enough to be invited, so if you haven't received one you didn't make the cut.

As Megan and Harry have been forbidden to step out onto Buckingham Palace's balcony during the celebrations, we felt it our duty to invite them to our 'do' as we have balconies and they could wave to the canal boats and revellers at The Bridge, after all we are known for embracing foreigners and making them feel at home, however so far we have not received a response..which we feel is a little rude.

All in all it should be a great day and I shall write a full report on our antics when I have recovered!

Remember:-

• now we all know that a party without alcohol is just a meeting
• Zombies eat brains so you're safe