The great St Jamesí Church oil mystery

While all agreed the joint church Carol Service this Sunday at St James' was a heart-warming occasion, other parts of the anatomy felt a little chillier as the church's heating oil tank was found to be dry. As the tank was thought to be adequately stocked, rumours and theories have started to circulate. Could the tank have leaked; could the oil, heaven forbid, have been siphoned away or had the thermostat simply been set too high the previous week.

PC Ken Maple was spied at the carol service but his possibly undercover operation was blown when he stepped forward to read one of the lessons. Perhaps, some thought, an even higher authority has been called upon to see if He can provide an answer to the mystery.

If by chance the oil has leaked away, don't be tempted to drill for liquid gold on the church mound. As oil magnate John Getty once said: "The meek may inherit the earth – but not the mineral rights."

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