Champagne and Lovers

February – the month of love, no wonder it's the shortest one in the calendar!

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Great love affairs start with Champagne and end with tea, so below are two important pieces of information that the formidably well informed Audlem WI Ladies have spent eons researching as Valentine's Day approaches. After all, life is not a fairy tale and if you lose a shoe at midnight it's probably because you're drunk!

Working with the well known principle 'if you can't convince them, confuse them,' we have decided to share our collective wisdom with the rest of our community.

Those ladies, or gentlemen, who find themselves alone on Valentine's Day remember, at least fifty percent of your socks are single but you've never seen them crying because of that? This should provide you with a modicum of comfort.

Failing that, leave your house in the evening of Valentine's Day so your friends will think you have a romantic assignation. Those who are older may leave at lunchtime to allow for afternoon naps. Works every time for us!

Another word of advice – Never trust a man, who, when left alone with your tea cosy... doesn't try it on.

I find my life is a lot easier now I have learnt to lower my expectations, and so it was that I joined the merry band of Audlem WI ladies, all merrily skipping in the direction of the Guide and Scout Hall, these new hips and knees work so well, intent on another afternoon of fun and frolics – all in the best possible taste!

We ladies know there's a fine line between a fitted dress and a sausage casing, so we dress appropriately and flawlessly to avoid any comparisons!

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate, which immediately elevates their position to 'best friend'! Fortunately Mr Lllovely's shop is close by so any friendship lacking in the 'sweet' department can be easily rectified.

One of the onerous duties of the committee is that they are expected to arrive early and position all of the tables and chairs before the rush. One of our members, Pat Smith, is like a little whippet as she rushes in and out of the kitchen balancing numerous chairs and tables in her arms. It's quite exhausting just watching her. After all of this she metamorphoses into 'Raffle Lady Extraordinaire' and 'Birthday Flower Bouquet Designer 'at the flick of a switch!

After the important issues of the register – over fifty members attended, including four new members, Sue Clark, Sylvia Davies, Patsy Gash and Margaret Phillips – a huge welcome to you all, come and join the party!

Raffle tickets duly purchased alongside the odd bit of 'important discussions', Audlem WI ladies stood to attention and opened their vocal cords as one in a healthy rendition of 'Jerusalem.' A WI wise owl has provided us with word sheets now so some of us don't have to mime anymore!

Shining brightly, like a star, our President Lin Nicholas – she of notable Mah Jong fame – greeted the assembled ladies with what is now becoming a monthly event – a gasp of disappointment as she discovered once again that the microphone was not working! It's getting personal now!

Doreen Hubbard read out the minutes and we all nodded sagely to agree they were, as usual, word perfect – we expect no less – and then it was the turn of Christine Salisbury, our events lady, to inform us about three forthcoming planned excursions.

Now we all know there is nothing safer than flying – it's the crashing that is dangerous, and I am eternally grateful that I don't worry about the world ending today, as it's already tomorrow in Australia, however Christine manages to seek out places that we would otherwise have missed!

Top of her travel agenda was a beautiful end-of-winter walk with a wonderfully diverse landscape and over 70 varieties of snowdrops at Rode Hall, this will take place on Wednesday 24th February.

Secondly, and I'm really excited by this, a tour of the Media City at Salford Quays! I've always wanted to wander around the BBC and see if I can get my face on the television. Maggie Phillips son works for the BBC, so I'm hoping this may be my chance! This exciting event will take place on April 11th so we ladies have plenty of time to ensure we look our best for the cameras.

Finally, on the 13th May, a visit to the Ironworks Centre has been arranged. This has recently been reported on by North West Tonight and Blue Peter has been instrumental in donating old cutlery which has been turned into amazing sculptures! So if you are not yet a member of the WI, see what you are missing!

After all this excitement, we all relaxed, contemplating a restful talk about 'A Woman in The White House,' by Susan Leicester. How wrong we were!

In my experience the human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public, and it usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Not so in this case! I'm not often lost for words, but shall we say Susan is not the type of person you would want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.....and you know that little thing inside your head that stops you saying things you shouldn't? Well she doesn't have one of those!

However she was refreshingly honest, with an extrovert personality and bouncy pink hair, she commenced her talk with a loud rendition of the Stars and Stripes – that got our attention!
We would have stood up, hand on heart, but we were so mesmerised we forgot! That wouldn't have happened if she had sung the National Anthem......

It transpired that her connection to The White House was that her daughter, Nancy, had married an American, William,who worked there. Susan travels to the States at least twice a year, sometimes more, and does a tour of The White House each time to see if her talk needs updating! I'm surprised she hasn't had a Presidential phone call, but more likely in her case, a pressing of the red button!

The most interesting parts of her talk were about the intimate details of her family, I will skip over what she said about Michelle Obama as I don't want to get sued, however if the incumbent President was unable to make use of any tickets to events, they were given to the staff, and as the mother in law of a member of staff Susan had been able to use the Presidential Box in the Kennedy Centre on numerous occasions.

Apparently on the invitation is a list of dress and behavioural codes, and in the bottom of the right hand corner is a code which opens the Presidential mini-bar! Needless to say she had plenty of items on show with regard to this mini bar, including Hershey chocolates which she loves, although she described them as smelling and tasting of vomit!

It was quite refreshing to have such a larger than life speaker, and she was amazingly humorous and engaging, even though we all felt exhausted at the end of her talk!

Now I love days when my only problem is tea or coffee, and so the WI masses queued up at the hatch for welcome drinks and excellent scones with cream, and after that talk, a jolly good gossip!
Thank you Irene, Helen and Jackie for a superb and welcome tea.

Finally it was time to draw the raffle, present the Birthday bouquets and our speaker, Susan Leicester, had the onerous job of deciding who should win our monthly competition which was 'An American Photo or trinket.'

To my utter astonishment – I shall not have to cut and paste this month – I won!!! I'm going to enjoy this moment until next month when we are back to 'A Spring Posy,' which will definitely not be my finest hour! Pat Jones came second and Anne Hollis came third.

It only remains for me to remind you that our amazing Quiz team, composed of Shirley Firth, Christine Plume, Anne Watson and Pat Smith will be representing us in the County Quiz on the 15th February – we wish them luck. Thankfully they don't have me on their team as with my luck, when my ship comes in I'll be at the airport!

See you all next month.........

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