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Audlem WI February Report

6th February 2024 @ 8:08am – by Stephanie Richardson
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Audlem WI February Meeting

Ladies of the 'Timeless Elegance Society', hereby known as Audlem WI, were warmly welcomed by N-M, (whose door opening skills are second to none) for our February meeting that promised to be more riveting than reruns of the classic sitcoms that we might have been watching instead.

We were delighted to see Annie P. and Liz H. returning to the fold. They have both been sadly missed.

As we entered the Methodist Church Hall, we couldn't help but marvel at the extraordinary privilege of being in the company of a group of ladies that have witnessed more trends come and go than a disco dance floor, whilst our younger members sallied forth into their seats displaying their latest TikTok moves.

As usual, the meeting commenced with our ladies belting out a fine rendering of the WI classic 'Jerusalem' with the gusto of a choir who had discovered a secret stash of chocolate. I am certain the angels in heaven exchanged high-fives, acknowledging that they had never heard celestial harmonies mixed with such unabashed enthusiasm!

Our esteemed WI President Brenda took to the podium, wielding her pen like someone who has successfully negotiated the queues in the Coop--a skill we all secretly envy.

Our secretary extraordinaire, Doreen, embarked on reading out the minutes and notices. Doreen can not only organise a visit to the ballet and our Annual Dinner without batting an eyelid, but can turn a routine announcement into a riveting saga, making us hang on every word as if the fate of the universe depended on knowing who is responsible for making next months tea and biscuits.

Ann Poole reported that two of our members in Corbrook Court were recovering well, and that Emma Charlesworth, an Audlem nurse at Leighton Hospital has approached us with a unique request for 'Operation Warm Hearts'. This is a covert mission to knit tiny heart symbols of love and resilience for the families of patients who have passed on. A little knitted heart, nestled in a pocket, bringing comfort during those challenging, grieving times. Come on ladies, it's time to get those knitting needles out and create some masterpieces.

This month our speaker was Dr Karen Castle, who gave us an informative interpretation of prison life.

Karen Castle, was the pint-sized powerhouse of HMP Norwich, who had a knack for unconventional tactics. To ace her interview, she strategically inserted Tetley tea bags into her shoe heels, elevating her to an acceptable five foot four inches.

In this Victorian prison for men, some of whom were category A, Karen faced challenges that would make even James Bond reconsider his career choices. Medication rounds were like a high-stakes game of hide-and-seek, with inmates attempting to pilfer pills for DIY pharmaceutical experiments. During visiting hours, drugs were smuggled in ingenious ways, including babies nappies – because nothing says 'concealed contraband' like a cute baby!

In the prison hospital, Karen navigated the bureaucratic jungle to ensure inmates had more mental health paperwork than a high-profile celebrity. One memorable character was Mr Bint, who arrived at court in a Saville Row suit and Rolex watch after moonlighting as a self-proclaimed untrained consultant who performed bowel surgery!

Karen, post-retirement detective extraordinaire, spotted Mr Bint's mug shot on CrimeStoppers, and rang the 'help' phone line, revealing his unqualified escapades from the operating table which had now, apparently, been transferred to the cockpit! His present talents have now been put to good use on the speakers' circuit, proving that sometimes the sky's the limit!

As for the inmates, with time on their hands their creative juices helped them fashion weapons from toothbrushes and razor blades, construct knives out of Papier-mâché from toilet rolls, and conceal them in the most creative bodily nooks. Karen's prison escapades were a rollercoaster of humour and intrigue.

Joy Taylor gave the vote of thanks, giving Karen a standing ovation for transforming what could have been a snooze-fest into a talk that was both enjoyable and interesting. Thank you Karen – turning mundane into memorable, one PowerPoint slide at a time!

After tea and biscuits, it was time for the birthday flowers. Our own Ann Poole, the Picasso of petal arrangements creates bouquets that are so stunning and magical that it's worth getting older just to receive one.

Well ladies, that's the grand finale for this month's edition of ' A Day in the Life of a WI Member Comedy Series.' Brace yourselves for another thrilling episode next month!

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