A Sensible Sunday

The Audlem Village Fete: A Completely Sensible Way to Spend a Sunday

There are some things you simply cannot explain to people who don’t live in a village. For example, you can tell them that on Sunday 30th August, Audlem is holding its annual Village Fete. They will nod politely. You can tell them it runs from 12 noon until 4pm. They will understand this.You can even mention that there will be stalls, entertainment, food and drink.

But what they won’t understand is that, for four glorious hours, perfectly respectable adults will become fiercely competitive over tombolas, cake and the relative merits of their own dog. And that is why you should come.

The gates open at noon and, almost immediately, the serious business begins. There will be games, face painting, bric-a-brac and tombolas — all those things that people claim they are ‘just having a look at’ before returning ten minutes later carrying something they absolutely did not need.

There will also be a raffle, which is different from gambling because this is a village fete and therefore somehow wholesome.

If you’re hungry, there is a BBQ. If you’re thirsty, there is beer. If you’ve decided that beer is simply not sophisticated enough for a Sunday afternoon in Audlem, there is Prosecco. And if you have somehow managed to resist all of that, there is tea and cake.

In other words, the organisers have thoughtfully removed every possible reason for going home. At 1pm, Fox Dance Academy will take to the arena, providing a brief reminder that there are people in the world who can still move rhythmically without making a noise when they get up from a chair.Then, at 2pm, comes the moment many Audlem residents have secretly been preparing for all year:

The Dog Show.

Judged by Steve Leonard of Phoenix Vets, this is an opportunity for our canine community to demonstrate beauty, charm and obedience — or, depending on the dog, to spend several minutes barking at something invisible while its owner apologises to everyone.

There will also be a local fire engine, because nothing says “family afternoon out” quite like the possibility of a child developing an unexpected career ambition.

The Brownies, Guides and Cubs will be there with their stalls, along with local charities, traders and the Drayton Netball Team. Phoenix Vets will also have a stand, presumably on hand for anyone whose dog has taken the dog show personally.

At 3.15pm, attention turns to the raffle, with prizes including vouchers from Cheerbrooks, The Ice Cream Farm, Kate Goodwin Reflexology, Premier Auto Valet and SB Fitness.

And at 3.30pm, local artist Gemma Rose will be singing — by which point a significant proportion of the village will be happily fed, mildly sunburnt, carrying something they won on a tombola and wondering where the afternoon went.

Of course, none of this happens by magic.

The fete is run by volunteers, who are currently in that particularly British position of being incredibly enthusiastic while quietly hoping someone else will turn up and help.

So if you can spare some time to help set up, run a stall or tidy up afterwards, you’ll be very welcome. And if you bake, there is an especially important job waiting for you……Cake.

The organisers need cake donations on the morning of the fete, ideally between 10am and noon.Because nothing brings a community together quite like several hundred people simultaneously deciding that they really ought to try that Victoria sponge.

Frankly, we’ve all had worse Sundays.