Welsh plot England shake-up

AudlemOnline can reveal exclusively that the earthquake felt over large parts of Western England yesterday (reported here in yesterday's stories) originated in Wales, not far from Swansea.

The earthquake, rated at 4.2 or 4.4 on the Richter scale caused alarm and trepidation across large swathes of Western England, and has been reported first-hand by several eminent Audlem residents.

It was apparently orchestrated by the Welsh Rugby Union in retaliation for their humiliating defeat at the hands of England in the Six Nations match a couple of weeks ago.

It was carried out by a task force of the entire Welsh pack who jumped up and down in unison (unlike their performance in the actual match) to cause the earth to shake,

This was carried out in a carefully selected field between the villages of Clydach and Pontardawe (near Swansea) – these villages are situated on the Great Cambrian Fault line which runs all the way across Wales and into the heart of England, thus carrying the tremor into the target area.

The English Rugby Union has proposed that a specially reinforced wall be constructed along the entire Welsh border to prevent a repetition of the atrocity – when it was pointed out that Offa's Dyke already exists (originally no doubt built to prevent similar events in pre-Brentry history) it was proposed to just spruce it up a bit and make the Welsh pay for it.

This story has been dismissed as fake news by some authorities which, of course, means that it is almost certainly true

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