Towpath Smoke Off in Audlem

If you'd gone down to the canal yesterday, you'd have been in for a big surprise. For by the canal in the centre of Audlem, the 7th Northern Briars Towpath Smoke Off was in full swing with pipe enthusiasts from London and the Midlands in earnest competition to keep their pipes alight the longest.

Over twenty members of the Pipe Club of London and the John Hollinsworth Pipe Club of Birmingham sat peacefully on the opposite bank from the Mill Shop and the Shroppie Fly smoking contentedly, thereby eliminating the risk of death or danger to residents and visitors alike through passive smoking.

It appears some communities are not quite as welcoming as Audlem in this age of passionate anti-smoking. As a result, no less than four of the group's seven smoke offs have now been in the village. It seems Audlem is a perfect spot for this unusual event.

The smoke off's rules are equally as complex as those of cricket or rugby union. For example, "Those competitors without beards or moustaches will receive a 90 second penalty," or "The wearing of funny hats is not only permitted but, following successful representations to to the European Court of Human Rights, is actively encouraged."

The group's concern for the wider public was captured succinctly in Rule 36: "The tow path it must be remembered is a public right of way and under no circumstances are the public to be prevented from going past unless they are tall, blond, female and happy to show you the way they blow smoke rings!"

Northern Briars is run by Ian Walker and his wife Catriona. Ian's grandfather founded the firm over fifty years ago. The workshop is on their narrow boat and Ian combines all the essentials of home and work into a practical mobile reality on over 2,000 miles of rural waterways.

It was certainly a contented scene by the canal under the trees. Fortunately, the weather stayed dry throughout the afternoon as, to quote Rule 34, "In the event of rain, all competitors who make a dash for shelter will be disqualified under the 'You Miserable Wimp' rule."

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