Walking Sports – II

Following on from the tremendous interest that we have already received to take part in the inaugural ' Geriatric Games' we are very pleased to announce that 25 new de-energised activities / sports have been included to the proposed itinerary.

1) Skate boarding- Will just be the quickest person to stand on a fish
2) Orienteering – Will now be a contest where competitors display their most exotic Eastern European earrings
3) Dominoes – Will see 8 contestants race to eat a slice of Margarita pizza
4) The Pole Vault – Will see contestants stepping over a broom handle
5) The 100 metres – Will simply become 'the metres' whereby competitors attempt to be the quickest to submit all their meter readings
6) The Relay – Will simply require neighbours to exchange a bit of gossip
7) The 400 metres Relay – Will require the gossip to travel the length of the whole street
8) Curling – Will see 2 ladies attempt to be the quickest to put 20 rollers in their hair
9) Rugby- A summer sport to see who can place a bee on their rug the quickest
10) Hurling – Will see competitors sat around telling tales of the sickest they have ever been
11) The Decathlon – Will become the 'Dekettleon' where contestants race to make 2 cups of tea
12) The T T races – Will see competitors race to drink the 2 cups of tea the quickest
13) Draughts – Will see contestants in gloves, hats and scarves complain about energy prices
14) Windsurfing – Will now see competitors browsing the internet whilst far.... belching
15) Sailing – Will be a bragging contest to see who has bought the best bargain locally
16) Tennis – Will simply be reduces to twois
17) The Egg and Spoon race – Will see 2 competitors throw an egg or a spoon to see who throws it the furthest
18) Fishing – Will now be simply trying to find out from your neighbour what happened to the people down the road
19) Coarse fishing – Will now be rudely demanding to know from your neighbour what happened to the people down the road
20) Bowls- Will now be a race to see who can eat their co co pops the quickest
21) The Long Jump – Will become the 'Long Jumper' where contestants will wear and display their longest cardigan
22) The High Jump – Will become the' High Jumper 'where contestants will wear and display their shortest cardigan
23) The Triple Jump – Will become the' Triple Jumper' where contestants will race to try on 3 different cardigans
24) Connect 4- Will be the quickest person to button up most of their cardigan
25) Mountaineering – Will see 2 persons attempt to be the quickest to remove and sit on one of their earrings

Ed – The venue for the inaugural Geriatric Games has yet to be finalised, but we understand that the proposal is to use Turnpike Field for the track and field events, and the canal for the water sports, with the Bridge Inn and the Shroppie Fly respectively as the administrative headquarters. The entry fee for each event will be one round of drinks for the organising committee.

Ed – And of course the bridge event in the Games can already be seen on any Tuesday evening in the Town Hall.