Red Diesel for Salford

Calling all Salford house owners, be ready to take advantage of a supply of free, yes, that's FREE heating oil, which is coming your way today. This once in a blue moon occurrence is due to the enterprise of a Salford, Audlem resident who, upon reading of a free shipment of heating oil to the residents of London's east end, courtesy of the President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, took it upon himself to write direct to the flamboyant and somewhat unpredictable, socialist President, to request a load for Salford, near Manchester.

Hardly daring to believe his luck, the self styled 'Mayor' of Salford's letter obviously struck a chord, with the result that today, a tanker displaying the Venezuelan Coat of Arms (shield displaying prancing white horse) will be touring the Salford suburb offering free heating oil to all households displaying the Venezuelan national flag and a portrait of El Presidente Hugo Chavez on their front door.

Please be aware that any facial disfigurement of the portrait with pins or sticky tape will terminate delivery. Those households that don't have the requisite flag or presidential portrait immediately to hand will be pleased to know that Williams', the local newsagents have, at very short notice and not inconsiderable inconvenience, managed to obtain a small supply, terms subject to negotiation.

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