Escape to the Country in Audlem

Audlem Selected as Filming Location
‘Escape to the Country: Extreme Edition’

Audlem woke up this morning to the thrilling news that it has been selected as the latest filming location for Escape to the Country: Extreme Edition, a bold new spin-off promising ‘higher stakes, bigger barns, and unprecedented levels of polite disappointment.’

Our reporter confirmed that the production team was drawn to Audlem after researchers identified it as ‘statistically impossible to drive through without someone waving.’ One TV runner was reportedly lost for two days after stopping to admire a particularly magnificent hanging basket and reading all the village award winners plaques in year order.

In preparation for filming, residents have been issued with an official advisory asking them to reveal ‘anything that might make London buyers whisper ‘ooh, potential’.’ This includes lean-tos, mystery outbuildings, and that thing at the bottom of the garden no one admits to owning.

‘We’re looking for extreme countryside,’ said a spokesperson, standing bravely in front of the narrow Whitchurch Road canal bridge as a TV van reversed over his feet. ‘Viewers are bored of seeing one tasteful barn conversion. In Extreme Edition, buyers must choose between several dilapidated outbuildings, none of which have electricity, and all of which are ‘full of character’.’

Audlem’s businesses have been instructed to ‘lean into the narrative.’ As a result, several shops will temporarily rename themselves ‘Artisan Something’, regardless of what they actually sell. Williams will be filmed with Judy tastefully arranging an assortment of bespoke cashmere dog coats and monogrammed leads in her windows, whilst our cafés will practise the delicate art of serving coffee that looks artisan but still arrives within 45 minutes. Our local chippy has briefly rebranded itself as a ‘pop-up coastal dining experience’ despite having been there since 2004.

Meanwhile, our village pubs are also rehearsing diligently for their inevitable close-ups. Landlords have been instructed to light at least one roaring fire regardless of outside temperature (or common sense), and to position a dog asleep somewhere rustic, tasteful, and unmistakably curated. A spokesperson confirmed that all regulars will be required to ‘laugh naturally’ on cue whilst nursing local ale, and to remark—unprompted—that it’s really very peaceful here once you tune out the bells ringing and the midnight bin bottle cascade from local pubs!

Locals are also being encouraged to practise saying things like ‘Of course the milkman delivers sourdough.’ Meanwhile, anyone with a vegetable patch fed with Alpaca poo and larger than a tray is on standby to be casually filmed ‘harvesting their supper.’

The episode will reportedly feature a couple from London with a budget of £4.7 million, and a strict requirement to be within 20 minutes of a train station that they are unaware hasn’t existed since 1963 – not unusual as Cheshire East also think it’s still around!

Filming starts next week—unless everyone successfully hides their outbuildings. In that case, it has has confirmed they’ll simply return, because when it comes to tracking down experts like Adrian Leighton for Countryfile, their focus is basically laser-guided. Miss a house hunt? Happens all the time. Miss a man with a dangerously sharp grasp of flora and fauna? Absolutely not. Never.