Buying an Allegro in Audlem

The motoring magazine Practical Classics features this month a well-known Audlem resident. In a feature by Sam Glover about the infamous Austin Allegro, that icon of the 70s and a car few will ever forget that were unfortunate to own one, the magazine says:

“Procrastination on the Practical Classics forum unearthed a perfect candidate; an Austin Allegro 1500SDL Auto, offered with five weeks' worth of tax and MoT. It had become surplus to the requirements of TV personality Billy Gibbons, and his enthusiastic description began; "You know how some cars have brakes and headlights...."

He also promised dampness and dinosaur noises. Enraptured, I took a number of trains to Billy's Cheshire residence. With it's cancerous multi-brown interior, frontal damage, two tone blue coachwork and profusion of rusty holes, my purchase was a powerful vision of post-apocalypse Leyland. I handed over £150 and began heading back to Lincolnshire, via Wiltshire. It was true that its brakes didn't perform as well as some.

Near Swindon, a heavy landing in the run-off area of a humpback bridge was followed by an unpleasant grinding sensation. I opened the bonnet and noticed that the engine and transmission were not where they used to be.....”

What Billy SaidAudlem Online has been in touch with Billy. He tells us he was initially asked by the magazine for a quote about the joys of owning an Allegro. Audlem Online has a copy of that quote – in full. Here's what he said:

"Hey Up there Mr G. (that's the PC journalist, Sam Glover) 1000 miles? I've not done that in a lifetime! Since owning an Austin Allegro for the first time in my life, I can honestly say, I've never looked back. Well, that's not strictly true, that's what the rear view mirror is for, but you know what I mean.

"To be fair to the humble All Agro (as some people like to call them, not me I hasten to add...well, ok then, I called it that once when it decided not to start. Something to do with a wire on the coil, or rather, not on the coil in my case) where was I...oh yes, to be fair, it was a great car in the brief few weeks of me owning it. It did what it should have done; start (except that one time when it didn't), stop (ah...well, now THERE'S a thing...more on that in a minute) and was generally ok.

"The main thing about the beast was how comfortable it was. I have a dodgy back and, for me, it was comfort personified. Those of you reading this that are of a certain age may remember a tale/ myth/ lie/ truth (delete the one that didn't apply to you if you were/are an Allegro owner) that was doing the rounds that, if you jacked the car up at the front, one of the windows fell out!

Well, it didn't happen to me, that's all I can say about it. Come to think of it, I never jacked it up so I suppose it wouldn't have done, would it? I wonder if that tale is true though...hmmm. Anyway, brakes...the brakes on the Allegro were really good, couldn't fault them. I couldn't fault them until, that is, I laid the car up because I obtained another vehicle and in between the time I stopped using it and the time I decided to advertise it (in this glorious publication) the brakes decided they didn't want to work anymore.

"Why? No idea, maybe it was sulking because I stopped using it, or maybe it lost it's brake fluid somehow, I know what my money's on. If you think it was the former, you may be one of those people that think that car's have a personality, I'm not sure about that BUT, I'll tell you something it did that made it slightly more human, or rather, animal, than any other car I've ever owned.

"It made a noise...I know what you're thinking, lots of cars do that. Yes they do, but I don't think many made a noise like this one! It's a pity magazines don't have an audio facility (next on your "to do" list, Practical Classics) because, if they did it would be easier to make the noise for you than to write it down.

"Let me ask you this; have you seen the film Jurassic Park? Yeah, right, remember the scene in the kitchen when those Velociraptors came in and started screeching and shouting? That, dear reader, is the noise I'm talking about! Where it came from and what made it, I've no idea. I had thought of jacking it up and having a look but changed my mind at the last minute! I liked the window where they were, thank you very much!
Billy Gibbons, Allegro owner."

After a quote like that, it's hardly a surprise that journalist Sam Glover headed straight to Audlem to meet Billy. We suspect it's an encounter he'll remember for some time.

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