A Magical Christmas @ Audlem WI

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the holiday season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at John Lewis.

We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking area until we see a shopper emerge from the shop, then we follow them, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space!

Christmas is stressful but don't get your tinsel in a tangle.

It's a well known fact that men can do their Christmas shopping for 10 relatives on Xmas Eve in10 minutes flat!

Now that's a miracle!

Let's face it...

No matter how old you are, an empty wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

However, be careful with your wording when someone asks you what you would like for Christmas as last year I told my husband 'Nothing would make me happier than a new Joules top' so he bought me – nothing!

So how did we adults take a simple holiday for children and manage to mess it up so badly?

What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has now culminated in a woman unwrapping dog biscuits from her dog, who drew her name in the 'Secret Santa' draw!

In the past, I always encouraged my children to write letters to Santa so that I could lower their expectations on the actual day, but nowadays, with the wisdom of age, I have decided that 'Dear Santa Claus' is rather stuffy... perhaps something a little more intimate would be better... something just a shade more friendly...how about 'Dear Fatty'?

I'm also concerned that nowadays Santa doesn't want a list of who's been good or bad, he just checks who has befriended him on Facebook!

Personally I love Christmas. I spend it selflessly rescuing wine that has got stuck in a bottle whilst opening a lot of wonderful presents that I can't wait to exchange.
Thursday 6th December materialised as the highlight of Christmas celebrations for Audlem WI members, who, working on the principle 'if in doubt – overdress', spent the entire morning preening themselves at Braids in anticipation of the afternoon's merrymaking.

We all know that it is the right of a traveller to vent their frustation at every minor convenience by writing of it to their friends, and so I will!

Due to a clash of dates, after all, ours had been in the diary for only a year, the Embroiderers' Guild had decided to hold their Christmas Party on the same date in the Public Hall, leading to every available parking space in Audlem, and probably Hankelow, being utilised by their members, leaving our ladies with a travel challenge.

Now we know it is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off and we also know that every time we cross a time zone we feel younger already, so logically if we keep traveling west, we can become immortal, which is quite appealing as we get older.

However I am glad to say our members were undaunted by this unexpected challenge resulting in forty of our members alighting on the Annexe roof from their privately hired sleighs drifting elegantly through the snow, ( I have a vivid imagination ), in a variety of heavily bedecked Xmas jumpers and other seasonal outfits, carrying beautifully wrapped gifts before entering the hallowed doors of the Scout and Guide Hall in eager anticipation of an afternoon of fun and entertainment which commenced at the door with a bountiful glass of Bucks Fizz, delicately poured into plastic pint glasses as we don't do refills at Audlem WI!

We had arranged the chairs in a semi circle, throwing our members completely off balance as they had nowhere to park their drinks forcing speedy imbibing in case of, God forbid, spillages!

Personally I intend, before the endgame looms, to die sitting in a chair in my own garden with a glass of wine in my hand and Adele on my iPad. Oh, and since this is England, I had better add, 'If wet, in the lounge!'

After a sterling performance of Jerusalem, our brave new President, Christine Jenkins, was sadly indisposed, but gamely turned up, determined not to miss the celebrations and unwisely proceeded to pass the WI business presentation into the reckless hands of myself!

Having not yet mastered the microphone – that would be yet another miracle – I dealt with the necessary WI information with my foghorn voice, including the important annual highlight of announcing the winner of the 'Anne Watson Competition Cup' for the highest number of competition points gained over the year, to a shocked Val Butler, who, unlike at the Oscars, had failed to prepare a speech but was still considered a worthy winner.

Whilst we waited for our 'entertainment' to arrive our ladies completed a quiz on Christmas Carols and merrily sang the answers...carrying on in the notable belief that singing is the key to long life, a good figure, a stable temperament, increased intelligence, new friends, super self-confidence, heightened sexual attractiveness, and a better sense of humour. Yes, that pretty much sums up our members!

Finally all heads turned as a tall, dark, handsome man wandered into view.

Who was this Adonis? Was he one of the Chippendales? Had our Xmas wishes been granted?

Now most of our ladies have reached that age were their brains go from 'you probably shouldn't say that' to 'what the hell, let's see what happens' so the verbal reactions and pictures on our ladies' faces painted a thousand words. Amazement, shock, OMG, fun and laughter, all the main ingredients we wanted at our Xmas party..... Game on!

Fusion, aka Pete Turner, is renowned for his sheer ability to wow audiences and the jaws of our members dropped to the floor when they found a scarf appearing in their wallet, a card that ended up in a zipped up purse, a deck of cards that literally disappears from the palm of their hand and coins that bend in their fists – the laws of science completely went out of the window which was a headache for those non believers in our group who were left scratching their heads in disbelief.

We were taken on an unusual journey into the mysterious world of the impossible and the unexplained. The power of psychology and misdirection is a skill that the magician uses to create the impossible. He certainly baffled our cynics, we know it's all trickery and sleight of hand, but we still all ended up mystified!

Before leaving, our magician was asked to judge the decorated bags which had been filled with a variety of useful school equipment for The Kerry West Orphanage Appeal, a charity brought to our attention by Maggie Phillips, and which we are delighted to support.

The winner of this competition was June Perry, and so she is now in the lead to receive the Competition Cup next year!

By now, we were all ready for our afternoon tea, a delicious spread yet again, and as our members finished who should appear but a brightly dressed, jovial Santa with a sack full of gifts!

We know the reason Santa can get all those presents into one bag is because he lets Mrs. Claus pack it for him, and who doesn't remember the times when we were younger and used to love sitting on Santa's lap at the shopping arcade? I was particularly sad when I finally outgrew it at age 30, but nowadays these innocent memories are gone, so our visiting Santa handed out presents wishing all a Merry Christmas....don't think I didn't spot Joyce giving Santa a kiss, I hope he gave her a decent present!

Finally it was time for everyone to leave as their sleighs had arrived and the reindeer were getting hungry.

As the season of goodwill approaches remember, we can't help everyone but we can help someone and it's not what's under the tree that counts, it's who's around it.

Merry Christmas to you all.

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