New Audlem flag flying this year

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As all living locally will know, the village of Audlem flies more flags each year through the Festival season and summer than probably anywhere else in the land. This year, however, will see a significant change.

Instead of the Union flag, Audlem now has its very own flag which will go on show this year on over forty flag poles throughout the village centre. It represents both the canal and River Weaver passing through Audlem's verdant meadows.

First step

The flag, AudlemOnline has learnt, is seen by a number of local organisations as the first step towards independence in keeping with all those other parts of the UK and Europe trying to separate themselves from their current unpopular rulers.

Researchers have discovered that Audlem, if allied with Buerton and Hankelow, and decisively so if Dodcott cum Wilkesley is taken into account, is larger than current independent European nations such as San Marino, Liechtenstein, Monaco and the Vatican.

Advantages

Numerous advantages, campaigners believe, could be learnt from these small states: lower taxes, or in the case of Monaco, no taxation; the ability to issue thousands of attractive colourful stamps with Audlem Post office attracting the future interest of philatelists across the world; having a daily changing of the guard outside the Public Hall; and, following the lead of the Vatican, having our army and guards dressed in very fetching striped uniforms with gleaming helmets.

Good chance

Perhaps the greatest advantage would be felt by Audlem FC who would be able to compete in the European Nations Cup, as San Marino and Liechtenstein do at present. They would even have a good chance against these smaller nations and others at the bottom of the international rankings like Luxembourg and Scotland.

Independence for Audlem would, we have heard, be greeted with great relief at Cheshire East HQ as possibly the most vociferous community within their jurisdiction would have to repair its own potholes, roads and pavements.

Taking its toll

Campaigners say a first step to financial independence would be the introduction of a massive toll on long-distance trucks passing through the Audlem nation state. This should bring in, financial experts have predicted, an income similar to Monaco's famous casino.

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