Cowpat Treasure Scoop

Home » Latest News » Cowpat Treasure Scoop
cows

An AudlemOnline exclusive

A number of somewhat sinister strangers have been spotted wandering intently round the fields near Audlem, clutching clipboards.
At first it was assumed that they were merely measuring up the next lump of agricultural land to be handed over to developers for a housing estate, or perhaps some government scientists locating the best spots for a bit of test fracking.

But no! — on closer observation it was clear that it was the cows that they were watching, not the landscape, and they were particularly excited whenever one of the animals decided it was time to drop its next cowpat, marking the spot meticulously on their clipboard.

When questioned by our reporter over a pint or two of particularly potent beer, they revealed that there is big money to be gained for anyone who can accurately predict the spot where a cow will perform its function, and their observations were an attempt to establish a scientific way of predicting this event.
It was also noticed that after a while the cows became a bit embarrassed by all this attention, and showed signs of trying to retreat behind the nearest hedge whenever the need came over them.

However, it is clear that something is in the wind, and AudlemOnline will ensure, as ever, that our readers are kept up to date with developments and given the best opportunity to profit from them — watch this space!

popular recent storiesAlso in the news

New Annexe
Tue 28 Jul 6:06am  |  hits: 5,385

JGP First Aid & Tai ChiTo ALL current Tai Chi students:Hope everyone is well and keeping safe. I am going to run two outdoor Tai Chi sessions on the field next to the Civic Centre (Public Hall annexe) on the following dates:Tuesday 11th August and Tuesday 25th August from 09.30am to 10.30am.It would be lovely to see you there!All the current ZOOM classes remain the same through to...

Audlem St James' Church
Tue 28 Jul 6:07am  |  hits: 1,268

Ed: We received this message from John Swancott. Can any local fishermen help?Could you please tell me if it is possible to fish river weaver at Audlem by bridge on Whitchurch road and if so is it a fishing club or owned by a farmer. We're new to area so any information would be appreciatedMany thanks...

Village centre
Fri 31 Jul 6:10am  |  hits: 1,220

Ed: We received this from local resident Geoff Farr. AudlemOnline invited John Lewis Customer Services to respond on 27/07/20 but have not received a responseYou have been warned26th July 2020Some of you may know that I have been very recently widowed.It therefore follows that my only evening companion is my television.My children and grandchildren have urged me to modernise and...