Blimps Lockdown

Home » Latest News » Blimps Lockdown

Following the excellent contributions from other Audlemers I thought villagers may wish to hear how things are unfolding here at Blimp Towers during this time of national crisis.

We are of course practicing social distancing. Specifically, Mrs Blimp is staying at all times more than two metres from me, as she has done for at least the last 35 years, enforced where necessary by poking me with a 2 metre stick with protruding nails. Things are now so dire that even my two imaginary friends are staying away.

I believe I have never known a situation so serious since my time in the Crimea and the siege of Sevastopol.
I talk of course of the toilet roll crisis. Here at Blimp towers we ran out two weeks ago now, and having failed to secure supplies through Judy's raffle I can only describe the situation here as rather claggy. I believed we had a solution, inspired by seeing a demonstration of the impressive cleaning abilities of a Karcher pressure washer on QVC. Mrs Blimp fired up our trusty device whilst I suitably bent over a chair in the garden and she directed the deluge in the appropriate direction. This has unfortunately resulted in some rather unfortunate anatomical rearrangement of my internal organs as the pressure turned out to be a tad too much. Also as the outside tap is in our front garden it resulted in a report being made to the constabulary by a rather startled passing cyclist. The Constable attending took rather a lot of convincing that we had not in fact been indulging in some deviant practice (apparently not unknown in certain parts of the village), and when shown the efficacy of the procedure after I insisted he viewed the evidence of the cleaned area he left both satisfied and traumatised.

That's all for this week, I will keep readers updated as events unfold here at Blimp Towers.

The Colonel

popular recent storiesAlso in the news

Mon 01 Jun 6:07am  |  hits: 6,822

Mike Harthern sent us this photo of visitors to his garden in Monk's lane. We understand they are to be named the" Monks Lane Trio&qu...

St James Primary School Children
Fri 29 May 6:08am  |  hits: 2,524

School Problems I am hearing of very anxious parents who are finding the present virus problems interrupting schooling. Don't be anxious, it will turn out alright in the end.The children will come to learn what they will need to know to embark upon their lives.Let me take you on a tour of my school. It was the Delve's Charity school at Wybunbury and was no different from the many...

Charity Shop Sales Easter Monday
Thu 04 Jun 6:07am  |  hits: 1,995

Sundays at 32 Windmill DriveUpdate :After a very successful plant sale for Audlem Charity Shop yesterday, we will be holding another one on 7/6/20. We are very grateful to all our customers and would very much appreciate any donations of plants.Many thanksThere will be a plant sale in aid of Audlem Charity Shop on Sundays from 2pm at 32 Windmill Drive, for the foreseeable...