Climate change raises canal level

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Intercepted emails from the IPCC, the Inter-Governmental Panel on Climate Change, show that detailed measurements over recent years have seen the canal's water level in Audlem rise almost 2cm since the year 2001.

If a rise of this magnitude continues unchecked, it's claimed that large areas of Audlem, notably Windmill Drive, Moseley's Yard and Moss Hall could suffer catastrophic flooding.

"At first, we weren't sure if this was an entirely natural phenomenon or was due to man-made Climate Change. Now, however, we have clear evidence the water level change is man-made," said an IPCC spokesman.

"Forecasts of consecutive BBQ summers led to dramatically increased lager purchases in the West Midlands. Despite the summers turning out to be much cooler than forecast, people still drank the lager.

"Naturally, this increased the flow through the Wolverhampton sewerage works which, as we all know, feeds the Shropshire Union canal; hence the man-made water level rise at Audlem."

It is expected that scientists at the IPCC and the University of East Anglia's Climate Research Unit will be checking the local data to ensure no-one in Audlem is taking the p__s.

 

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